im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
