barbara walters just said penis...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
