dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
