the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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