No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
