You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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