She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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