just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
