420 ftw
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
