You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
