He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize