I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize