Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
