I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
