Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
