I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
