you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
