so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
