my sisters under your porch take her home
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
