I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize