He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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