someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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