At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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