your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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