your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You can't motorboat a personality
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
