3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
