And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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