he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
