I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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