u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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