Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
