went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
