she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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