I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
