I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
