Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
