could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
