I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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