It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
