Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
