i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
