listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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