John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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