Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
