I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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