I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize