I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize