I just cut my nipple shaving
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
