He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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