dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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