i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
