I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Farmville is her only friend.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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