IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
