I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
