I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize