so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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