Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
