I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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