You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
