Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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