dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
