Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
