Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
