I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
