Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Everclear isn't food dammit
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
