SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
