Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
