i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
