I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
