I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
