people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
