very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
