i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
