Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
