I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
