yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He better not be in your backpack
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
